Pyper vs Piper

Looks like another close friend has left this realm and moved on to eternity. Third one this year. Rob was my brother from a different mother. We were best of friends for many years and shared some of the best times in both our lives. US Festival, wood cutting on Cedar Mountain, Skiing Brianhead, school, girls, parties, wives, kids… LIFE! Great memories for sure and I could share a hundred wild stories. While reminiscing this week, I was reminded of a “fun” story from the winter of 81/82. 

Rob attracted two kinds of people: Crazy chicks who wanted to own him and crazy guys who wanted to beat him up. 

Rob and I met in 1981 when we shared an apartment on campus our freshman year of college at SUSC. One night I got home after “studying” and found my dorm friends had all pierced their ears and Rob was preparing to get his pierced. I watched as Kathy, our crazy friend from Fredonia, shoved a hot needle through his ear after numbing with ice. They tried to pressure me into it but I’ve never been much of a joiner so I passed on the opportunity. 

The following night, Rob and I attended the Dixie High vs Cedar High basketball game in Cedar City. Rob was hoping to see some old friends from school since he had just graduated from Dixie in 1981. Well, that didn’t work out so well. Rob didn’t get to see anyone, but they surely saw him. Let me explain: While we were waiting to enter the arena, a crazy dude standing behind us decided to flick Rob’s freshly pierced earlobe with his finger. Rob turned around and said “dude! Knock it off” turned back around and dismissed it. And again, the dude flicked his ear. Rob turned around again and asked, “what’s your problem dude?” The crazy dude put up his dukes and said, “come on  fag, let’s do this right here.” Rob, in an attempt to chill the situation, said “come here” and gestured toward the gymnasium, and walked inside. He thought that would diffuse the situation. He was wrong. Rob was inside on the floor, just feet from the court with the game taking place when he stopped walking and turned around to speak to his ear flicking friend. Without hesitation, the guy sucker punched Rob in the face and continued swinging and punching as Rob, on the back foot, stumbled onto the basketball court. The crowd erupted like it was a gladiator event and a cop eventually intervened to stop the carnage. Bloodied Rob and his new acquaintance were escorted outside and questioned by the cop. First question, “what are your names?” Rob spoke up, and volunteered, “Rob Pyper.” When the assailant heard Rob’s name, he offered his hand to shake, and declared, “Dave Piper, nice to meet you.” Rob was not amused and didn’t reciprocate by shaking Dave Piper’s hand. Mr. Piper turned out to be a 17 year old high school kid on the CHS boxing team. Since Dave was a minor, the cop sent us on our respective way. 

When we got back to the dorm, it was apparent that one of Dave Piper’s powerful punches to the left ear, had imbedded Rob’s earring deep inside his earlobe. Gnarly! Our other roommate, Terry, had medic experience so he was tasked with forcing the stud back through - like a giant pimple popping. Double gnarly.

RIP Rob 

Thanks for all the memories 

Splitting Branches in the Beginning

 

Someone once asked me if I was surprised that Oliver became a famous musician. I told him that I wasn’t surprised that he became a famous comedian. And now that he’s gone, I can say that I am indeed surprised at the level of superstardom he achieved in his short 

career.

 Kirsten and Oliver were both twelve years old when they took a trip to NYC with their B40 Jr. High 8th grade class. I think that’s when their six year saga began. Upon their return from New York, I had the task of picking Kirsten up at the school in the middle of the night. When Kirsten emerged from the bus, she introduced me to a skinny little guy named Oliver. He was shy and the way they glanced back at each other as we departed made it clear to me that “something” was going on. The next morning, Kirsten made her pitch to me and said, “You’re going to love Oliver, he’s exactly like you.” And turns out she was right. I did love Oliver and he was exactly like me. My little protégé lol. 

 For the next few years Oliver was a fixture at our household. The tell tale sign of his skateboard leaned against the house by the front door signaled that he was there. 

 

 

I had a vast collection of music and eclectic videos that Oliver was intrigued by, especially Andy Kaufman. I had about a half dozen Kaufman videos that would periodically disappear and show up later on, as if they had never left the shelf. 

Watching the music develop in real time was so fun to watch. They would rehearse and record at O’s house then bring stuff over for me to listen to. We were only ten doors down so there was lots of transit between the two locations. Some of the material made it onto the final cut of what became the Splitting Branches album. In the beginning, Tree was conceptualized as a trio consisting of Oliver, Kirsten and Christian (Shelf Nunny). They adopted the name “Tree” for their “trio” as a nod to the Simpsons Treehouse of Terror, which is itself a nod to the 70s horror classic, Trilogy of Terror. Plus Tree is Oliver’s middle name. Everything Oliver did seemed to be layered with subtle meaning. Onion onion onion…

When Kirsten and Oliver broke up after a six year on/off relationship, (mostly on/off), Oliver and I continued to keep in touch.

 

 In 2016, Oliver and I were both back in town for the holidays and planned to meet up. He had agreed to help me with a short video project I was working on. I had cast Oliver to play the part of young Randy in my Randy Beware video. I had been working on the project for a few months and racking my brain trying to figure out “who” should play the part of young Randy. While meditating on the issue, I fell asleep and dreamt that young Randy had a bowl cut hairdo. I hadn’t seen a bowl cut for ages. Within a day or few, I saw Oliver’s “Forget It” video for the first time. When I saw Oliver sporting a bowl cut, it seemed obvious. Oliver was the guy for the part… it seemed. I contacted him and he agreed to help. 

When we met up, he informed me that he only had 45 minutes to shoot. His mother had a family holiday dinner planned that he was expected to attend. Since forty five minutes wasn’t near enough time to set up and shoot the multiple scenes I had planned, we decided to just hang out at the Bagelry and catch up since it was the first time we had met up for five years and that was the best use of our time.  

I shelved the project for a couple of years until my friend Bobby Victor (from the Dweezil Zappa band) agreed to compose and record a soundtrack. Fisher Clark ended up playing young Randy and I’m happy with the way it turned out. Unfortunately Oliver didn’t get to participate and I’m not even sure if he saw the semi-final cut. I hope he did. Oliver always put us on the guest list at his shows and took time to meet up with us whenever he was in town. 

Oliver forced us to feel. 

He made us laugh. 

He made us cringe. He made us doubt. And he made us cry.

 Oliver forced us to feel life. He didn’t care if you loved him or hated him. Making us feel was his goal.

His time was cut short far too soon and I know there was much more that he wanted to accomplish in life. But what a life it was. I will miss him.

God speed my little protégé 

1/6 Scale Presidential Meeting - Oval Office Circus

Here’s something fun. A year ago today, I set out on an unusual and completely unforeseen project. I decided to construct a 1/6 scale model of the Oval Office to memorialize the hilarious event that occurred on this day, exactly one year ago. I hadn’t worked with wood since Pinewood Derby days when I was a Boy Scout, (my cars always won). I have a bunch of files, saws and blades, so I started with the main table. That took longer than expected so I got a Dremel work station and lathe to build the fireplace and other furniture pieces. Procuring the 1/6 scale Zelensky head was its own challenge. I had a difficult time finding that evasive little thespian. Trump was easy as pie. Pumpkin pie. So, here it is, the big reveal. 

Today marks the one year anniversary of President Zelensky’s hilarious meeting with President Trump, a day that will live in comedic infamy lol. Let’s set the scene back on February 28, 2025. Trump was already annoyed with Zelensky’s flip-flopping on signing a “rare earths” agreement and Zelensky was coming to DC with the promise to sign the deal. 

Before arriving, Zelensky was advised to wear a proper suit if he expected to be taken seriously. But much to Trump’s chagrin, Zelensky showed up wearing his little black jumper. Uh oh! When the time came to sign the rare earths deal in front of media, Zelensky decided to use the occasion to beg for security guarantees. More graveling was the wrong move. This was the moment all hell broke loose. 

“You don’t have any cards Zelensky, you don’t have any cards. Zelensky fired back, I do too have cards, see!!!

Oh boy! What a wonderful world we live in. Looks like Putin has the cards that matter lol laughing not laughing 

Playing With My Dictators #1 - Kim goes to California

Kim has been doing his research and determined that late September is the best time to travel to California. The tourists have gone home, and the kids are beginning their school year. That means fewer people on the roads, restaurants etc. 

To get to America, Kim first made his way to China where he mailed himself to a town in Utah, near the world famous Bonneville Salt Flats; a mysterious place that Kim has always wanted to visit. 

Kim loved the Salt Flats and was impressed by the vastness of the salt desert. He claimed that he could see the curvature of the Earth. Kim’s schedule was tight, so he took one last lick of the salty playa and hit the road. Next stop, Lunar Crater in Nevada. 

Located in the middle of Nevada, this ancient volcano has a diameter of 3,600 feet, 430 feet deep and only part of an enormous volcanic field of craters, cinder cones, basalt flows and ancient lava beds that don't appear to be cozy at all. Kim didn't want to sleep in a lava bed, so was off to nearby Tonapah where he knew he would find a cozy bed at the Clown Motel. 

Twas a lovely morning in Tonopah, and Kim had the opportunity to meet up with his old friend, Ronald McDonald who volunteers as a greeter at the Clown Motel Gift Shop. They exchanged contact information and Ronald promised to visit Kim next time he's in North Korea. Friends forever! Although it was sad to say goodbye to RMcD, California was on Kim's mind, and he was anxious to get on the road again.  

First stop in California was the mysterious Mono Lake, a unique body of water located on the eastern edge of the Sierras. Mono is a terminal lake therefore all local watersheds terminate there, building up high levels of minerals that give rise to amazing Turfa formations, "Wish you were here" Kim laughed, (Kim is a big Pink Floyd fan and the only reason he wanted to see Mono Lake is that is the shooting location for Hypgnosis' famous Wish You Were Here postcard included with the classic Pink Floyd LP of the same name).   

Kim loves to ski and is no doubt the best skier in North Korea, but he arrived at Kirkwood in the off-season and didn't have the opportunity to show America how it's done.  

With the mighty Sierras behind him, Kim found himself in the vast farms and town of California's Central valley where he stopped for a soda at Dean's Shoppe. 

When Kim arrived in the extra-Bay Area, he dropped in on his old eyeball buddies, The Residents. It had been decades, and the boys had lots to talk about, so they headed out to Zeni, Randy's favorite Ethopian Restaurant where they dined on Injera, Miser Wot, Kik Alitcha, Gomet Wot, etc. and chatted into the wee hours.  

Next day, Kim found himself at his intended destination, Santa Cruz, CA. Kim's favorite place in the whole world. 

Kim stayed at a little beach house at Twin Lakes Beach and spent the next few days exploring his favorite beaches and eating at his favorite restaurants. 

Kim strolled out to Santa Cruz' newest lighthouse at the mouth of the Santa Cruz Harbor. Walton Lighthouse was dedicated in 2002 making Santa Cruz the only California city with two lighthouses. 

Kim loves skateboarding and stopped by the Ken Wormhoudt Skate Park, which was designed by world premier skate park designer, Ken Wormhoudt. The skatepark marks a significant place in scooter history. This is where the iconic pop star, and scooter legend, Oliver Tree, became the first person to ride a scooter at a skate park. Everyone laughed. Tree a local Santa Cruzan revolutionized scooter culture and pop fashion, had the last laugh, and as Kim says, "He who laughs last is the last laugher" 

 

Kim loves fresh, California grown, produce and attended two farmers markets while in Santa Cruz. Kim was surprised to discover that a vendor at the farmers market was selling magic mushrooms. Knowing that magic mushrooms are illegal, Kim asked the young man behind the counter how they are able to sell them without fear of arrest. The young man said that Santa Cruz has decriminalized their use and consider mushrooms a low priority for the police. Kim was curious but didn't buy any mushrooms from the friendly and informative vendor. Kim knows an undercover FBI agent when he sees one.

Kim's Central California Coast vacation was over, and it was time to head to a secret rendezvous location somewhere in the Nevada desert. Singing, California Uber Alles, Kim boarded his personal saucer and returned home to North Korea, the happiest dictator on Earth.