This
was the land of Squatch long before the walking skunk monkeys camest from across
the great deep. We beheld the occupation of our land and our food supply
dwindled at the hands of the invaders.
Now,
our Squatch families liveth in hiding as the dwellings of the skunk monkeys continue to encroacheth upon our lands
of inheritance. These evil beasts hath displaced our tribe, and hath driven us into
the shadows where we watcheth and waiteth for our day of
deliverance.
I rememberest all that hath taken place.
Fifty-three
solar cycles past, that little dog becamest quite a nuisance. The dog
and its young skunk monkey, the one thou callest Randy, would recklessly
tromp through the woods and frighten off our prey.
And it came to pass, that one day, the dog had frightened away a jackalope that we were desiring to feast upon, therefore we resorted to locust larvae for sustenance.
And it came to pass that whilst
we were feasting upon the locust larvae, I perceived a sweet odour
lofting upon the misty air; the unmistakable scent of cooking flesh. And
it came to pass that I departed from the wilderness to discover the
source of the sweet odor and maybe find some food to bring back.
And
it came to pass that as I passed through an open field that I
encountered an unsuspecting cat. Sustained by the stringy flesh of the
feline, I pressed on toward the source of the smoky meaty odor.
And
it came to pass that from the levy, I beheld a family gathered
together, holding what appeared to be cattails over a fire. Intrigued, I
crept closer and discovered that it was the one whom thou callest Randy
and his elders cooking cattail shaped flesh fastened to the ends of
long sticks.
And
it came to pass that as I hid myself in the shadows, I beheld that the
vessels from which they were drinking were within my reach. I waited,
silently, patiently and when the family was distracted by one of the
meats falling into the hot coals, I put forth mine hand and sprinkled
some dream powder into their beverages.
And
it came to pass that the adolescent skunk monkey retrieved the charred,
ash covered meat from the hot fiery coals. Burning his fingers in the
process, he, without haste placed the steaming meat upon a table next to
the beverages. The meat looked and smelled so delightful, but I
patiently refrained myself and moved not.
And
it came to pass that after inspecting his burned fingers, and
determining that there was no significant harm done, the adolescent
picked up the meat, brushed off some of the ash and bitest off a
portion. And it came to pass that the meat was hot upon his tongue and
without hesitation, he reached forth for his beverage and began drinking.
And it came to pass that the family, humoured by the entertaining set of
events, joined together in laughter. And it came to pass that they
raised forth their beverage vessels in unison, uttered a celebratory
chant, and consumed their drinks.
And
it came to pass that they fell fast asleep because of the dream powder I
had administered unto them. And it came to pass that whilst they slept, I gathered together what meats I could carry, and
departed back into the wilderness with my spoil.
And it came to pass that no sooner had I embarked, that I heardest the tumultuous noise of the little dog who was in hot pursuit. And it came to pass that the creature overtook me at the levy and began to nip at my heels.
And
it came to pass that I madest an attempt to dissuade the creature by
offering some meat, but it persisted, leaving me no alternative but to
quiet the annoying pest. Permanently. And it came to pass that I
returned to my family in the wilderness with the spoils of the day.
And as for the one whom thou callest Randy, and his evil designs toward me, mayest I now speaketh directly unto him.
Whilst
it is true that I ate thy neighbors cat, I didst not eat thy dog. I
only ate its heart. I gavest the rest to my family, who delighted in the
bounty of that fruitful day.
Randy!
I watcheth thee at all times. And it shall come to pass that thy words
wilst condemn thee, wherefore, that which thou sayeth, that shall be done
unto thee.
Randy, be ye ware.
