Ronaldo the Goat Whisperer

Ronaldo Doolittle may have been a dog in his previous life. Like his grand-uncle John Doolittle before him, Ronaldo has the innate ability to befriend animals. I've experienced it first-hand on numerous occasions.

One day, Ronaldo and I were surveying* some property that passed through an open field occupied by a couple of curious goats who observed us from a distance before coming over to more closely investigate. One of the goats was rather passive and followed the more dominant goat everywhere. The extra-curious dominant goat decided that my jacket looked tasty, and began to lick my sleeve excitedly. It was creepy, and before long the licking-frenzied goat began to lick my tripod, knocking the sensitive surveying equipment out of level. This meant that Ronaldo had to climb back up the hill so that I could zero my instrument on the back-site target. While attempting to control this non-tame creature, I learned that pulling the goat's ear kept it at bay, but the nay-sayer still managed to sneak in some more licks, and succeeded in knocking the instrument out of level a second time.

Before long, Ronaldo was inside the fence, and the goat had found a new friend. The two immediately became physical and intimate with each other. The excited tongue licked wildly as Ronaldo patted, petted and played with the happy goat. The goat's tongue continued to dart in and out even when not in contact with anything tangible. I was happy it had found someone else to pester, and Ronaldo seemed to be enjoying it... at first. 

The annoying goat succeeded in making it very difficult to accomplish our work in the area. It even ate the bright pink flagging we had used to mark the position of a property-line monument.

Soon, I moved to another control point located beyond the fence where the goat couldn't pester me. I quickly leveled up the instrument and peered through the scope in search of Ronaldo who was supposed to be holding the rod plumb and steady so that I could get a good zero, and a check on his position before proceeding. What I observed in the scope was one of the strangest things I have ever seen whilst peeping through a surveying instrument...

There was Ronaldo, doing his best to hold the rod steady while the goat continued to maul him. "Now would be a good time," he said as I observed goat's legs climb up onto his shoulders, placing its head next to Ronaldo's. The rod would be level for but a brief moment, and the goat would knock Ronaldo out of position again, and again, making it impossible for me to get the shot.

This went on for about ten minutes. Again, and again, Goat legs flailed over Ronaldo's shoulders. Frustrated, he tackled the goat to the ground, and gave a growl and a warning bite on its neck. Finally, after dozens of attempts, we had accomplished what should have taken a matter of seconds. The two goats both followed Ronaldo as he descended the hill towards me. I was still laughing when he arrived at the fence that contained the goats. Once again, the physical little goat was all over Ronaldo, with legs up on his shoulders, and licking madly at his long curly Portuguese locks of hair that danced like dozens of tiny snakes around his little brown face. The goat was out of control, and Ronaldo had had enough. Ronaldo threw the rod into the bushes, grabbed the goat, picked it up, gave it a body slam on the soft duffy ground and held the creature firmly to let it know who was the boss. With a fierce look in his eye, it looked as though Ronaldo was going to bite the goat on the neck again, but instead, he gently planted a kiss on the goat's left cheek.

* Land Surveying in the mountains of Bonnie Dune, CA