Uncle Julius' Top Secret Family Chai Recipe

This recipe was originally smuggled out of a secret government facility somewhere in New Mexico, and made its way to my uncle Julius Rowe Zenberg who translated it into English. It was typed up by his wife Ethyl on her little Smith Corona. Presented here without permission.

3 tbl spn clove clumps (dried)
.35 grams Nutmeg ground fine
.99 grams Cayenne finely ground
1/4 cup shredded fresh Ginger
20 pods of Cardamom
7 and 1/2 pinches of Cinnamon
999 Black Poppy seeds
1 Mandrake root (about the size of a little man)
1/2 oz Lodestone
1 brain of a bat (small... the brain can be big, but the bat must be small-big bats have bitter tasting brains)
2 and 3/7 cubes of Camel Hump (dried)
Essence of Saturn Ring
filler

Combine ingredients in blue glass bowl, and cover to prevent surprises (where's that darn clown nose?)
Bring 2.55 gallons of H2O to boil (D2O can be used if you prefer a heavier taste)
Add combined ingredients to boiling water, and stir.
Reduce heat, and allow to simmer for four hours and twenty minuets.
Place in centrifuge to isolate the pure tincture and discard dead head.
Add honey (still available in many lands) and Black Darjeeling Tea (not available in Utah)
Let it be.
Serve HOT with organic vanilla soy for a creamy smooth sweet spicy surprise. Especially good on Saturday.

Mandrake